I know it's been a while...

Snowman Weather!

Hey everyone! I know it's been a while since I wrote. I've been going through a lot (anxiety, a little depressed, all those happy feelings that the holidays involve), and I'm traveling. Look forward to some observations about blizzards, holidays, emergency rooms, and Sandy Hook Elementary. Speaking of which, the candles on the blog are to honor that. Merry Christmas to all my readers, and if you don't celebrate that, well then, the sentiment counts!

A Beginning: The Seasons, part two

So this is the continuation. I have to say here, I get a lot of inspiration from Evelyn Waugh, and William Faulkner. This story is also in homage to Willa Cather, whom I respect.

A light drizzle is showering the countryside. The days become longer; birds' calls are heard everywhere. All traces of snow are slowly melting away. A family of rabbits emerges for their morning adventure. Spring, though late in coming, is here.

Her soul soars with the swallows. Their child is almost ready to be brought into the world; and she glances down with love. Their home is not too far form the nearest town, and her neighbors are friendly and helpful. Not once, not even in the hard winter, has she regretted marrying this man. The seasons here in the country are more intense and beautiful than the suburbs'. He brought her flowers, seeds, and dug a flower bed; and so, she watches the flowers grow in her garden.

Sorry...

So, I got a job, right? And training started this week. And my blog posts ran out. And, horror of all, my computer broke. So, the available time to write was absolutely none. You all deserve an explanation, so here it goes!
So, I went to train in Dixon, IL this week. Unfortunately, that is a 2 hour trip for me... one way! So my schedule was pretty much sleep until  5 am, leave the house by 6:30, and get to Dixon via Stockton before 8:30 for class. On average, classes lasted until at least 4, if not 4:30 pm. And sometimes later. On top of all this, my grandparents were in from Mississippi, which was great! but I wanted to spend as much time with them as possible. So, that made for some pretty late nights. When I got home, I would just pass out until 5 the next morning. There wasn't anything else to do, because my computer inexplicably broke by Tuesday morning. So, lots of car time, lots of family time, lots of doing something when I was used to doing pretty much nothing. And absolutely no "me time"!
Let's add insult to injury. I never got to spend any real time with my boyfriend, because I was so tired, I would just sleep, and he had to go to bed early anyhow. I don't blame him, I was tired too. And I  got more hours than he did this week! Also, my meds got upped, so my body's in the process of getting used to it... and so far, I can't wait until the bad dreams, the constant crying, and the hunger go away.
All that to say, there was no way I could have posted. And I apologize. And I hope you haven't giving up on me. You readers that I know aren't there.

Deutschland ist Wunderbar

So, I can see lots of things about this blog. Things like how many people look at it, where they are coming from, where they live (by country), when people look at the blog, what posts they are watching, the list goes on. Creepy, huh. That's me!
Anyhow, I really want to thank everyone who reads this. I really do appreciate it. But especially my one viewer from Germany. I only have one, but it is kind of... how shall I put it? Appropriate. Ich lerne Deutsch ins eine klasse auf universitat. I'm not great, but I try.
So, this is just a short little post saying that I'm grateful.
Ermagerd, er thernk thert er erm gertting ther herld erf thers. Er cern't ser fer ser, bert merber. Thers ers erxhersterng. Her cern perpler terp lerk thers? Ert bergs ther herl ert erf mer!!!

A Long Winter: The Seasons, part 1

Well, I found this short story that I wrote a while ago, and I don't think it's terrible. I'd like to see what you think!

Snowflakes gently drop from the sky. Chickadees look for seeds, but it has been a long winter and food is scarce. The occasional deer passes by, waiting for spring to come. The groundhog saw his shadow, so winter is still here. For a little bit longer, at the very least.

She looks from the safety of her house, praying for winter to end. She is unused to these long, cold times; winter where she came from was short, and just cold enough to allow for a white Christmas. Nothing in the negative degrees. And definitely no snowfalls measured in feet, rather than inches. Spring can't arrive soon enough.

*This is a short story, in every sense of the phrase. So the parts are about 2-3 paragraphs each.

To Sleep, Perchance to Dream... Aye, There's the Rub!

Sleep is apparently something we all need. Unfortunately. There are a lot of different kinds of sleeping tools out there, but somehow, I have failed to find the one that works for me. Read before bed, don't read before bed; go to sleep when you're tired, go to sleep at the same time every night; don't think about anything, think about something soothing; don't play games, (actually, everyone says that. Somehow, it doesn't work for me); don't be on the computer or TV, do some mindless activity. For some reason, my mind is always going! It's a little annoying, because my whole life people have said "Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise".

My bed at boarding school.

Studies show that those with high IQ's and/or intelligence tend to be night owls. Well, that's a good sign for me; it is very hard for me to go to sleep at night, and I am definitely not a morning person. Sure, there are those who believe that with the right schedule, you can be whatever type of person you wish, but that isn't the case for everybody. It's definitely not the case for me. Sure, if I need to, I can get up at 6 am, be ready to go by 6:30 (6:45 if I need a shower). But if I have the option to sleep in, my body physically won't let me sleep early. Tonight, I added a lot of vodka to my soda, took my meds early (9pm), and finished the whole thing before 10. I did start getting sleepy around 11, but for some reason when I went back to bed, I tossed, turned, and had to figure out if I could make it to level 8 on Tetris. Damn game. And now I'm wide awake, writing, because that's how I'm hoping to get tired again.

Joseph. So cuddly. Doesn't he look like a Joseph?

In order for the lucid dreaming to work, you have to remain absolutely still for at least 15 minutes, so that your body starts to fall asleep. Your mind can actually stay functioning, but your body has to remain still. That's impossible for me. I can't find a comfortable position. I can only sleep on my side (either one, usually left), but my face can't be on the pillow. I don't know why, but if the pillow, sheet, anything touches my cheek, it bugs me. So I usually have my left arm underneath the pillow, which is underneath my ear. Then my right arm has to be holding something. That's why I sleep with Joseph, my teddy bear. Sometimes it's Max (a bear from the fair), Matt (a St. Valentine's bear), or Sophie (an Easter bunny). Then, if I'm tired enough and my body can manage to stay still, I can fall asleep.

What I see on my News Feed for the blog.

As I was thinking about these thought, I decided to troll Facebook, and see who else can't sleep. Then I wrote a status update with all of these thoughts. Knowing that Facebook is not the place for stories, I did you guys the favor of copy/pasting my thoughts here.
"What's on my mind? How dare you, Facebook machine, to ask that!
But I said to myself, "Self, let's see who else can't sleep tonight. Because everyone has a mandatory obligation to post that they can't sleep, and include the time of writing. No way somebody's going to be able to subtract the hours at this time of night!"
Seriously, Facebook should just create a code that goes through posts and looks for the phrase "can't sleep", like it does for Christmas/ other holidays. Then we can just see who didn't sleep every night.
This should go on my blog instead. Sorry."
I'm still not sure why I apologized.

An Unexpected Addition

Tree with Snow. How typical can I get?

Well, I'm just adding this to commemorate the first snow of the winter. I am very happy that it didn't start as early as usual. I am also happy that where I work only got rain, so there won't be much problems driving. It looks like we're going to have a white Christmas up here after all. I'm not a weather forecaster, so I'm probably pretty accurate.

Lion King IRL

I'm much more comfortable here.

So, ever since I was little I wanted to play the whole story of the Lion King in real life. Doesn't that sound like a great idea? I did the beginning sequence once, long ago, with my kitten, Kateri Tekakwitha (named after the first Native American Saint). I don't remember how that ended. So I tried it again, this time with my cat. The fat one. She isn't actually so fat when lifted up. You should see her. So, I'm slowly warming her up to get through the whole thing. Eventually, I'm going to film it. I will be famous.

Why do you subject me to such misery? I just want to sleep.

So I started her out with the "Circle of Life" song. I don't know why she tries so hard to escape this, it seems really fun. I can't wait until I tape it, I'll finally get to see her expression. Granted, the first time I did it wrong, I held her up the entire time. But the second time, we sat and watched the beginning, the part where all the animals get together. We kind of imitated the animals' walk (or flight, depending), and then we did the almost the whole re-enactment of the presentation ceremony. It was really quite fun. I just can't wait until the next time, when a camera will get involved. And I know Fat Cat can't wait either!

Season of Gifts

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One of my favorite songs is the Christmas Can-Can, written and sung by the great a capella group Straight No Chaser. It really explores what this season has become, and in the end, includes other celebrations, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa. They have an official YouTube video here. Definitely check them out, they are one of my inspirations!

Christmas has been more and more commercialized. In exchange for personality, gifts have become about price, quantity before quality. Nobody appreciates what they already have, instead they compile long lists of things they want. Everyone worries about finding the perfect gift that is both within their budget and appropriate for the occasion. The average amount spent on gifts is $515.94, and only 41.6% of shoppers look for bargains. That means that 58.4% of shoppers don't actively pay attention to the various bargains that this season offers. I personally feel a lot like Dr. Sheldon Cooper, where the pressure to give something that equals the other monetarily is great. Even the peer pressure of having others judge what you give to a third party is great.

In all this pressure and commercialization, we often underestimate how much we owe to others. How many have thought of others, the ones who don't have any money to spend for gifts? There is a lot of pressure to get them, even for those who have no extra money. For example, my brother went to the "Free Store" (where he lives, there is a place that accepts donations of money, time, or other commodities in exchange for what other people donate. Like a perpetual White Elephant store) in order to get gifts for my younger siblings this year, because he couldn't imagine not getting them something. In my area, there is a "Tiny Tim" jar. In other college, there is a tree with "ornaments" of Christmas lists for children for people to sign up and help others.

Police, firemen, and soldiers-- everyone says that they honor these professions, but how many actually take the time to thank an officer?  But there is no fund for, say, flowers for the local police and fire department. Or packages for a troop overseas, or even a package for those here in the States. There are a lot of officers on duty during the holiday season, and a fruit basket or Swiss Colony package would be welcomed.

So for this holiday season, let us think of others, and maybe spend some of our gift money on them, rather than on yet another bag of candy or extra dessert for Christmas.

Paranoia? What's That?

So, we have two pretty creepy cats. One jumps at walls, curtains, water, anything that moves, and has no measurable sense of smell. The other is really creepy. She doesn't relax. Ever. Even when she is sleeping. She usually perches on top of a couch, all scrunched up; all you can see is an amorphous mass and her head. Her torso, legs, tail, neck literally meld together. She doesn't even lie on her side, but stays upright. She is always watching me. I'm not paranoid. I'm also not crazy, my mother had me tested. She really dislikes me. I wouldn't say, hates-- I'm not worthy of that much of her attention. And hates implies that at first she loved me, or at least had the potential. Creepy cat doesn't have the potential to truly love anyone besides herself. But she definitely does not love the fact that since I have become part of her owner's life, I have A) cut down on the attention she used to have and B) became a supply of attention she desperately avoids.

She's watching me. Even in the darkness.

And yet, I have taken this cat under my wing. I give her food without her begging me. I make sure she gets to play. I keep my cat under control when necessary. I encourage the boyfriend to take her on dates, to play with her and pamper her. Still, we are at a stalemate. And I don't see it getting better in the future.

Dreaming. Or something.

Watching Inception on TNT... just, thank goodness for TV! Today, because it's giving me a topic to write about. Lucid dreaming. Has anyone else thought this was a good idea? I keep trying it, but it hasn't worked yet. My mom can control her dreams, apparently I wasn't born with that gene. Lucid dreaming is the power to take over your dreams, to realize that you are dreaming, and to then control your dreams. It's the only chance you get to control your life, and it can give you super powers. For example, if you practice your speeches, tests, other desirable behaviors while lucid dreaming, it can give you confidence when these events occur in normal life. No other powers have been reported... then again, don't all super-heroes have hidden identities or some such nonsense?

Maybe I'll get to her level?

Anywho, Inception. It's a pretty cool movie, and of course Leonardo DiCaprio is cool. I think that the performances rate among the best in this movie. The characters are fully developed, but most importantly, the movie is entertaining and thought provoking at the same time. But not to get totally off track.

If only I looked like this.

I don't know what this post is going to be. I'm definitely going to keep trying to lucid dream. I hope it can count as informative. Humor? Maybe not so much. But I can tell you one thing. Bacon.

Anyone out there?

Anyone else procrastinate? I guess the else is what betrayed me, huh? I have this weird thing: I will absolutely put off as long as possible... ANYTHING! Whether I want it or not, unless I'm actively doing it, I will keep trying to do whatever I'm doing until I have to stop and change activities? Understand? Didn't think so. 

Realization: I am a swan. Or lily of the valley. Or both.

See, I really think this blog is a good thing. It keeps the creativity going, and if I can do this long enough, I might actually develop a habit of writing; that means, that I can actually start on my book, rather than simply thinking about it. But I really like writing, and once I start, the words just start coming. Not always the right ones, but that's what the backspace key is for. Right? So I've decided to write 2 blog posts a day, so that eventually I'll have a bank of them and will be able to take a break. Like the occasional weekend or something. And here's the catch: both posts have to be started, and pretty much finished, before midnight. So what have I started doing? Staying up until 10 doing absolutely nothing, and then quickly trying to pound out 2 great posts in 2 hours. This is a hit or miss system.

System of last minute panic. Like any good student.

But the system is working, and it stops my mind from staying awake once I do actually head back to bed, kick the cats out of my spot, and tumble in. Also, it keeps me from worrying about the next day. This didn't work last night, but then again I was worried about my first day at a new job. Writing has greatly helped my depression... whenever I get pretty upset, I have been known to write anything. So doing this on a regular basis should be like taking a daily vitamin, instead of just echinacea and vitamin C when I have a cold. Right?

I should just relax. With this. There's a plan.

I hate asking for favors, but writers are notoriously needy. Yes, I'm going to put the "n" word out there. Also the "c" word. So if I am in anyway funny, annoying, stupid, brilliant; if you can put an adjective to the posts that you read... dare I ask... can you leave some kind of comment? Just to let me know that I should keep this project up. I'm going to write for a month; if the end of month comes, I'll let the rest of the posts finish up, and then maybe not worry about keeping my non-existent readers happy. Thanks!

Pure Comprehension

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wat is it bowt takin leik thiz? i mene it go gude netime netime it go baed. de peeps it leik they dontts nerstand wat i b tryin 2 sae but i got it al figured ut. i think u just puute wateve u feelelel lieks tiping n it worxxx? amirite???? it liek gude this wae cause no won kant totes get wat im tring 2 sae. ne wae,, at least i have alll yalll 2 help me. ermagerd this wae of spelling is getting harder and harder. WHY DO PEOPLE TYPE LIKE THIS? DO YOU REALLY HAVE NO CLUE HOW TO TURN YOUR CAPS LOCK OFF?????? OR ARE YOU AN EXPERT AT KEEPING YOUR PINKY ON THE SHIFT KEY????? BECAUSE I CAN'T. AT LEAST THE PEOPLE WHO TYPE LIKE THIS ACTUALLY USUALLY HAVE SOME SORT OF COMPREHENSION OF BASIC GRAMMAR, PUNCTUATION, AND SPELLING. JUST MAYBE NOT COMPUTERS.

It can't be just me

Anywho, just getting really frustrated at the world for not using proper grammar, punctuation, and spelling. Or observing common courtesy on the internet. Why do people feel the need to simply insult others? Without even trying to reach a harmony, the curse words and the insults are brought out. I have seen someone attack someone else for having the same opinion, due to something that an explanation could have made clear. And this behavior is following the population out of the internet, and into the personal interactions of the human kind. And that's how you tie your description into a blog post. BOO-YAH!

The Lost Colony

Hotel Roanoke, VA

I can't think of anything to write, so I'm going to engage in a open mind exercise with this picture. It's a really ritzy hotel in Roanoke, Va., called "Hotel Roanoke"! Boy, these rich people must be absolute geniuses. Genii? I wouldn't know, just a humble working-class citizen. But it is a magnificent structure, even on such a cloudy day. Thank goodness for my photography class, and fancy camera!

So, when I first heard of Roanoke, I thought, "Oh cool! the first civilization in Virginia! The island of the lost colony!" I was pretty psyched; as a History major, this is one of the real mysteries that begs to be solved, and yet, it seems pretty much forgotten by mankind. There is a movie about it, and still America has no clue. I told my boyfriend, obviously assuming that we would be near the Atlantic, and he corrected me. No, Roanoke Virginia, my friends, is a modern, land-locked town. Not the Williamsburg that I was hoping for. Oh well. Deo Volente, we will be seeing something of the Civil War during our visit there this Christmas season; the Civil War is my third era of interest. So much happened, and as the proud true Southern grand-daughter of Robert E. Lee, I hold the War of Northern Aggression very close to my heart. But more on that later.

Coats and Cold

Cold. I don't see why cold isn't everyone's natural enemy. There should be no wars, battles, disagreements during the winter, because everyone should be united against a common enemy, the cold. Do people really like having to warm up their cars before they leave; bundling up in coats, mittens, hats, anything to keep warm; getting out of the hot shower into the cold bathroom; sleeping under blankets, and with socks, and long pajamas; and any of the other things to JUST. STAY. WARM.

All that snow.

Cold is definitely my enemy. I become a hermit yearly, and snow only drives me further into hibernation. Snow is annoying, it is cold, solid, and yet wet at the same time. It can get into things, and then, right when you flee it, it sticks to you, enters your home, and leaves its cold, wet traces at your feet. It is the enemy that one cannot simply dispel by leaving its territory: once you venture from the safety of warmth and into its stark iciness, it demands, and exacts, revenge.

Snow falling over the city of Roanoke, VA

But, coats are also my enemy. I hate coats. They are restricting, bulky, cumbersome. You have to put it on, take it off just to drive, put it on again, and take it off when again indoors. Some of them have hoods, some don't; some of those hoods work, some don't; if the sleeves have elastic, they are scratchy and tight, but if the sleeves don't have elastic, then the cold can get in. So coats don't work for me. Don't get me wrong, I wear them. But I do wait until I absolutely must, until there is nothing left, no other layers possible to put on, before I do. I haven't, yet, this year. Maybe I won't have to.