Sunday, January 27, 2013

My Story: Part Three

So, I know I promised this a while ago. But my computer broke, so I had to track down the document on the Internet, and it took a little bit. But this last part is happy! It happened when I was finally starting to understand everything, right before I met my boyfriend, over a year ago. Sometime in October/ November of 2011. The original title was Amiability: A Friendly or Pleasant Manner. P.S. Part One, Part Two.

My story continues… My last story was pretty depressing, but this time I have something concretely happy to relate. First, a little history.
I was recently diagnosed with major depression, and not knowing what I had—my family thought that bipolar disorder was possible—did not help my view of the world around me.  I was ignoring my friends, having problems responding to anything around me, and desperately trying to make sense of everything that had happened in the past while seeking security for myself in re-planning my whole future; all without any knowledge of the problems, and therefore answers, solutions, and coping mechanisms. After the diagnosis, some things seem to have fallen in place: I am meeting with a good psychologist every week, and my first psychiatrist appointment is this Thursday; I have great hopes that medication will relieve some of my stress, and I will be able to learn coping skills quickly.
All that to preface my story…  One day, I was eating lunch with some friends. This was kind of weird for me, since I have never done this; I am a little shy, and often prefer to eat alone, letting me think things over: in my mind, this is good, but because I tend to over think things and cause more stress for me, it ends up being prohibitive. I had spent my “allowance” on clothes, and so I was digging the bottom of my purse for change in order to buy something light for lunch, and my friends thought that this was really funny. Eventually, I sit down and join them, and we have what in retrospect I can recognize as a normal conversation, interrupted by funny quips, jokes, and anecdotes. As I get up to leave, someone teases me, and I tease him back. Another friend gets up and tells me: “It’s good to see you so happy again; I haven’t ever seen you like this.” It was then that I realized how much my depression and normal shyness had interfered with my life; and I was glad that I finally had friends to take my mind off of things.
I used to wonder what “that kind of life” was like, and even though it took me 22 years, I’m finally starting to realize how fulfilling it can be.