Saturday, March 23, 2013

The Hard Way

My mom always said I couldn't learn the easy way. By this, she meant that I would go through life, being naive, immature, and otherwise easily fooled. She also meant that I would have to experience things in order to learn them; I wouldn't believed that fire was hot until I touched it, or believe that people were sometimes mean until I was hurt by them. All in all, that has worked out for me. Sure, I didn't have many friends, I've been naive, but not immature. My naturally trusting nature makes it easier to give others the chance to redeem themselves, and although I've been burnt too many times to count, and it's very hard for me to make friends that I can actually trust, I don't regret allowing others as many chances as possible.

But I am sometimes pretty stupid. And everything I've written here is just a preface to the worst story ever. Just be aware, this blog is called Dramatic Anti-Climax for a reason... I can't create funny endings.

I grew up hating apples. Bananas were the perfect fruit for a while: the peel doesn't make your fingernails a different color, there's no juice to cause a mess and need a napkin, you don't need to wash them before you eat them. They cut up nicely, and they taste great with chocolate. Then I graduated to grapes. They also don't need to be washed because they're clean enough from the store. They don't need to be peeled. And even though there is juice, they are small enough to just pop in your mouth, thus quenching thirst without excess dribbling down your chin.

But apples aren't any of these. They have to be washed, their skin bruises easily. They are an awkward shape, and when you bite into them, your mouth opens wide in a weird manner, and the juice runs all over. Then you get to deal with a core, which you can bite into the bitter seeds, or get stuff in your teeth. I hated apples. Until I discovered this gadget. It deserves the best invention since sliced bread award. It rivals my favorite invention, the Apple Company. Just look:
The Amazing Apple Corer
Although apples are not my favorite fruit (grapes still take the cake), they are now not on the hate list. They rank higher than oranges and peaches. All because of this contraption.