Sunday, March 10, 2013

Reach for the Stars

What is it that I really want out of life? What would I attempt to do if I know I could not fail?

I read the above questions from a handout that I received from my therapist, and I thought I may share my exercise, in hopes of provoking you, my readers, to do the same.
I have three major dreams; the first, to be an amazing actress. I know there is a place for a Catholic, modest, not beauty-model actress in Hollywood, but I am too shy to look for it. I was cast into a lot of main/ important parts in my school plays, and I have always enjoyed acting. I personally feel that I'm amazing mostly because of my practice. I have successfully fooled most of my family and friends, most of my life. I'm still pretty good at portraying different personas around different groups of people, and very few people know the "real me". I had my family convinced that I loved hot sauce/food, coffee, and hated sewing; in fact, I hate hot food, coffee makes me sick, and although I'm not good at it per se, I do find sewing and experimenting to be fun and relaxing.
My second dream is to be an awesome writer. That is why I started this blog. I do have a great imagination: I use it often to imagine the worst possible outcome of any action, and that makes me scared to do anything, but also to not do anything. It's a catch -22. Back to the main point, I love doing research, I love writing, and I want to get into the habit of doing it, which is why I started this blog. (You are all my guinea pigs *cue evil laugh*). I have some plans on how I'm going to do it: starting with this blog, I'm going to branch out into a blog about creating an inexpensive, beautiful wedding (when I get engaged). That will branch off into children. Then maybe I finish my children's book series, start a short story and poetry anthology, and then write my masterpiece: I'm not going to say what it's about, because it's too good an idea.
My last great dream is to be a mother. The reason this is a great dream, is because it is in conjunction with the above two dreams. I want to be hands-on, frugal, funny, supportive. I really want to home-school my children, but at the very least, they will have to have "supplemental education": extra workbooks on the weekend, great literature during the summer, trips to the library, stuff like that. It doesn't sound as intense in my head.
I have a lot of secondary dreams: be a good photographer, sing well, be a good cook, develop some apps. But those I could never make an actual living at, for the one reason that while these things attract me, they come in "seasons", and I would never want to be a full-time photographer, singer, cook, or developer. I couldn't do them full-time, because I don't want to. I have some tertiary dreams too, the ones that seem more in reach, like being a high school counselor, a blogger, or a mother. And I am going to be happy doing all these things, because I have always grown up "making the best of it", and not in a martyr's way. I have always been truly happy with decisions that may have been made for me. For instance, living in France for a year, not seeing any family. That was really hard, but in the end, I was happy there, and I'm happy with the decision to go there.
So in the end, even if we should still reach for the stars, aspire to our dreams, I think it is equally important to teach ourselves how to make each decision your own, how to be happy wherever one may be.