Famous Family

I'm a great fan of the Deschanel sisters. They are both funny, talented, and beautiful. My favorite is definitely Emily, but this is probably because I am definitely swayed by Dr. Temperance Brennan. Bones is awesome. I love that show. And the whole family is famous. I mean, I didn't think I knew anything about their parents, but then, I looked them up (thanks, IMDb!), and it appears I love most of their films. And these always bring up the question, nature or nurture? Did these two beautiful girls go into the showbiz because they were born to, or because they were conditioned to? I always argue in the face of both. Take my family, I am obviously an outlier (this is a word, dumb computer spell-check!), because I am brilliant and a girl, as opposed to my brothers, who are, well, boys. (Every woman knows that boys are stupid). I remember what an outlier is, thanks to my expensive Statistics class. But I digress.

My family has two sides, the classical, literary side, and the science, technical side. I am on the former. Totally. I'm no good at math or science; the only thing that stopped me from becoming a neo-natal nurse was because you would have to memorize 106 bone names. Or is it 107? Not to mentions all the 20 systems of the body. Like respiratory, or heart-a-tory, or the one with your skin. But History, English, the Languages, I can do that! And this goes to prove that it's nature, right? I mean, you're born with a "good at languages" gene, right? But that's science, and I know nothing about science.

But there are a lot of actors that don't have acting in their background. Take Evanna Lynch, the girl who plays Luna Lovegood in the Harry Potter movies. She was just good. And determined (if you don't know her story, look it up). And this gives me hope for my children. They have a shot at celebrity. And they don't have to be tied to their roots. That's very important for me, because I value freedom and independence a lot. I hate having to answer to people, and I love just being able to do something, write something, without having to explain why I did what I did. And I want the same thing for my children.

My Story: Part Three

So, I know I promised this a while ago. But my computer broke, so I had to track down the document on the Internet, and it took a little bit. But this last part is happy! It happened when I was finally starting to understand everything, right before I met my boyfriend, over a year ago. Sometime in October/ November of 2011. The original title was Amiability: A Friendly or Pleasant Manner. P.S. Part One, Part Two.

My story continues… My last story was pretty depressing, but this time I have something concretely happy to relate. First, a little history.

I was recently diagnosed with major depression, and not knowing what I had—my family thought that bipolar disorder was possible—did not help my view of the world around me.  I was ignoring my friends, having problems responding to anything around me, and desperately trying to make sense of everything that had happened in the past while seeking security for myself in re-planning my whole future; all without any knowledge of the problems, and therefore answers, solutions, and coping mechanisms. After the diagnosis, some things seem to have fallen in place: I am meeting with a good psychologist every week, and my first psychiatrist appointment is this Thursday; I have great hopes that medication will relieve some of my stress, and I will be able to learn coping skills quickly.

All that to preface my story…  One day, I was eating lunch with some friends. This was kind of weird for me, since I have never done this; I am a little shy, and often prefer to eat alone, letting me think things over: in my mind, this is good, but because I tend to over think things and cause more stress for me, it ends up being prohibitive. I had spent my “allowance” on clothes, and so I was digging the bottom of my purse for change in order to buy something light for lunch, and my friends thought that this was really funny. Eventually, I sit down and join them, and we have what in retrospect I can recognize as a normal conversation, interrupted by funny quips, jokes, and anecdotes. As I get up to leave, someone teases me, and I tease him back. Another friend gets up and tells me: “It’s good to see you so happy again; I haven’t ever seen you like this.” It was then that I realized how much my depression and normal shyness had interfered with my life; and I was glad that I finally had friends to take my mind off of things.

I used to wonder what “that kind of life” was like, and even though it took me 22 years, I’m finally starting to realize how fulfilling it can be.

Public Figures

I was listening to the radio on my way home tonight, actually listening, not just flipping channels for music to sing to, and it hit me: talk show hosts have the biggest egos ever! They seriously expect us to just sit back, listen to them, and accept their opinion. And we don't even know them. This isn't just talk show hosts, either.  This huge sense of entitlement extends to newscasters, television show hosts, writers, almost everyone in public. Politicians, for example. Can you imagine the audacity of these people to get up, and tell a nation that they are the best choice for everyone, that they know the best, the most trustworthy. I mean, the public is a very trusting entity. Why do we feel that public figures know best?

The best thing about this? I want to be one of them. So, everyone, Harrison for President 2016!

Guilty Pleasures: Part One

So we all have guilty pleasures. I'm going to dish on some of mine, one by one. The first one is Romantic Comedies. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THEM! I know that sounds pathetic. After all, they are all predictable. I can tell you exactly what happens in every one; the guy meets the girl. They date, fall in love. Something major happens (usually a secret that the guy should have revealed at the beginning, but he waits and she finds out by accident), and they split. Then a best friend (or group of them) work on the two. The guy's best friend sometimes goes to the girl and explains that it was all a misunderstanding. She forgives him, he forgives her, they get back together, and sometimes get engaged or married. Sometimes you see this as a "several months later" kind of deal. This is exactly what happens for 75% of romantic comedies. 20% of them are comedies about marriage, so they are slightly different. And 5% are totally unexpected, out-of-left field, brand new ideas.

My favorite romantic comedies are among the 20%. The ones about weddings. They are my weakness. Of course, there are some others. Like You've Got Mail and When Harry Met Sally. But my absolute favorite romantic comedies are The Wedding Planner, 27 Dresses, and Bride Wars. They are awesome. They are also the reason why I know so much about wedding planning. And they are the ones that will be played daily when I do have to start planning my own wedding, so I don't forget anything important. A wedding planner? No need.

The Ultimate Goal

I love food. Who doesn't? I like learning how to cook, and I think I've done a lot of learning over the past years. My dad taught me how to cook when I was little, and my Grammy taught him. Growing up, I loved when Dad was home, or when Grammy and Grandaddy came to visit. The food that I learned how to cook was amazing, and I discovered one of my many non-talents! I often participated in the cooking activities in boarding school, and I payed attention to how the food was cooked for dinners and lunches. Then I went to Minnesota, and I was too poor to buy ready-made food, so I learned even more what it was to cook delicious food, and lots of butter was not always the answer. Traveling to France was the real opportunity for me though. I got a lot of kitchen experience, and learned how to love pâté, make crepes, and cook food that not only tasted good, but looked good too. Does anyone like my food? Not really, but at least I eat cheap and well. And I do love cooking, it relaxes me.

I've really been thinking about lobster though. I really want lobster. That Red Lobster commercial is going to be the death of me, it looks better and better every time it airs. Most foods go in cycles for me, mainly I think because growing up, we ate many of the same foods in schedules. Mom really doesn't like cooking, and she did mostly the same food week after week. Virginia Baked Ham, shaved, 1 lb. White American Cheese, sliced thin, 1/2 lb. Provolone Cheese, thin, 1/2 lb. That was lunch, every day, Monday through Thursday. And we enjoyed the same monotony for breakfast and dinner. For example, we had 4-6 different Sunday dinners, each in its own season. Spring, ham. Summer, steak. Fall, pulled pork. Winter, turkey. And we sometimes included chicken, kebabs, and brats. Never changing. And I really think this influenced the way I crave foods.

The only one that I never crave is ice cream. I can have that at any time, even if I just ate a filling meal. Ice cream is delicious. I tease my boyfriend by saying that although he is my world, so is ice cream. He's not jealous, luckily. Vanilla and strawberry are my favorite, with Oreo, Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, and Butter Pecan occasionally enjoyed. You know, I hate McDonalds, but they do cheap ice cream right. That soft serve, creamy, just enough for a special treat, is delicious. Saving the 75 cents once a week for a quick cone was my highlight this summer. If only they had the special year round!

Another food I love is cheese. But that's worth its own post.

Here's Part 1

So here's part 1 of my story. It's really bleak, and tomorrow I'll post the last part, Part 3. And hopefully after that I'll be blogging about stuff that you all really care about, the funny stuff. Here goes!

Vulnerability
I have depression. Finding this out after many years of conflicting actions,
feelings, ideas, somewhat brings less clarity than one would suppose. Were my past
actions just the influence of this disorder? What about my feelings? What about the
future? What kind of help can I get in the future?
This is the story that I am going to try to write. I’m not much of a storyteller, but
maybe my story will be a little easier.
My life fell apart on May 29, 2011. After a huge fight with pretty much my whole
family, I rushed off in my car, spending all Sunday night and most of Monday away
from home. Sound like something a teenager would threaten to do? And yet, I’m no
longer a teenager. The confusion is all permeating… while I have gotten this angry in
the past, I never had the means to actually make good on my threats, and have
thereby calmed down faster. Also, these attacks have rarely been so out of control.
With a little music, a good book, and hot tea, my moods could readjust to normal, but it
seems that this does not help any longer.
Mom finally calls me, and I return home, where I cry and shower and sleep, not
necessarily in that order. Mom and I sit down, eventually, and she tells me what she
has been suspecting for a while: that I have bipolar disorder. My aunt’s husband also
has it, much worse than I do, and she recognized the signs, finally. At last, we had all
the clues, and my strange mood swings, which had been credited to immaturity, anger
management, or some kind of disease, now have their own name.
But how do I continue? Literally all of my plans have been overturned: I was
going to school for History, and trying to do it as cheaply as possible, so that I could
become a Dominican nun. With depression, I have too great and lasting an impediment
for that life, and my whole future falls apart. Will I become a teacher, a mom, an
actress, a writer, or (E) All of the above? I had so many fantasies, that I used to
daydream about; but now, these fantasies are suddenly more possible than ever, and
I can’t choose. Now I can afford to go to a better school after I transfer, because I’m
not so worried about loans and payments. But do I go visit other countries, like I’ve
always wanted to? Learn new languages? The book “Eat, Pray, Love” recently inspired
me: not Gilbert’s personal story, but the idea of travel to different countries, learning
languages, making friends. Maybe I can act: maybe this is my new dream, my new
future. What about the past? My wanting to be a Dominican was emphasized by my
ability to teach and my love for children. Can I become a wife and mother? Can I live
up to the high standards that I set?
My story is confusing, impossible to understand, not even much of a story. What
has it been? What will it become? I, and no one else, need to figure this out, and will,
soon, but right now, I just continue, trying to live day by day, trying to stop analyzing
the past, trying to not worry about the future, and learning about myself, who I am, all
over again.

Here's the link to Part 2.

BIG NEWS! I'm Famous, finally!

Well, maybe not just yet. But I wanted to let you all know that my name is getting out there.
You remember how I have depression? Well, way back when I was trying to figure out how to live, I started writing about what I was going through. And then, sometime later, this group asked for a line, a quote, something short to put in a pamphlet to raise awareness about depression. Well, I wanted to help, but couldn't think of anything short. So I sent some of my essays. And they loved it. And they asked if they could publish it as a blog post! So I gave them permission, and it's going to be published tomorrow (January 8th). Head on over to read it!

Party!!

I'll be posting Part 1 here, before I link to Part 2. And maybe, I'll be famous by the end of the week.

Holidays

Well, the holidays are safely over. Everyone giving a special cheer right now? I sure am. I'm finally working, and looking to definitely be working, not training, by the middle of this month. YAY! I love training, because nothing can be really blamed on me, after all, I don't know all the tricks of the trade, all the people I need to know, how to deal with most of the situations (basically, I have the best, most plausible excuse in the world). But I also hate training, because I do like working, I do like figuring things out, I do like being the problem solver. As a trainee, no one knows how far along you are in training, so a lot is repetition. But a lot is also sometimes assumed. They assume you know everyone's name, you know what to do with your time. And usually, businesses schedule the people they need. No more, and usually no less. There are exactly enough people to get everything done. Add a trainee in there, and someone's just following the workers around, feeling like a fifth wheel. But I'm pretty sure I'll be done in a week or so.

Anywho, how was everyone's Christmas? Unnecessary question, right? I'm sure everyone's was peachy. That's my boyfriend's code for "nasty, but I really don't want to complain". It was different for me. I was just getting off of unemployment, so no money, and I didn't spend it with my family, but with my boyfriend's, which was obviously weird. It made me desperately homesick, really moody, and it was one of those holidays which didn't really feel like one. I just can't wait until we have a family, and can keep doing the traditions I'm used to, like shoes on the 6th, stockings, and Epiphany gifts, also on the 6th (December and January, respectively).

I know everyone says that Christmas is a child's holiday, but why must we wait for the drunkeness of New Year's Eve to have ours? I vote that adults get to participate in this children's holiday. I really couldn't care less how parents choose to present their gifts, but my family gets theirs from Mom & Dad, Grammy & Grandaddy, and we open gifts one at a time, in order of age. No one takes the spotlight, and everyone gets to be excited. Join me to take back the holiday!

Eat More Food?

Well, it's the New Year, and I am going to follow the traditional route of creating New Year's Resolutions (all caps, because they are sacred). Last year, I didn't. I read a lot about how you should only make resolutions you can keep, because if you don't, you can get depressed. So rather than make resolutions I couldn't keep, I didn't make any. This year, I have a different perspective.

USA.gov posted the 10 most popular New Year's Resolutions (Police State, anyone?). They include:

1.) Drink Less Alcohol

2.) Eat Healthy Food

3.) Get a Better Education

4.) Get a Better Job

5.) Get Fit

6.) Lose Weight

7.) Manage Debt

8.) Manage Stress

9.) Quit Smoking

10.) Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

Seriously? Make my life brighter.

Here is what I'm doing to put all of these resolutions into my life (well, with some minor modifications)

1.) Drink Alcohol (I just took out the less. Drinking is something I can commit to).

2.) Eat Food (Same as above. I can promise you, my readers, with eating food).

3.) Get More Education (I have a degree. I'm going to learn something this year, dimmit!)

4.) Have a Job (already done, and it's better than what I was going through last year.)

5.) Get Into Shape (Round is a shape. Right?)

6.) Weigh myself (I'm going to try to lose weight. But I'm not committing to it through New Year's Resolutions. That deserves a resolution in it's own category).

7.) Manage Debt (definitely).

8.) Manage Stress (already done. See resolution #1).

9.) Quit Smoking (I don't smoke, so this should be easy).

10.) Reduce, Reuse, Recycle (I do this whenever possible. That is, when it's easy. I'm going to try doing this at home, too)

Feel free to share your own list! I can't wait to see what happens at the end of the year. (Bwahaha, evil laugh).